Life is boring right now. I'm still not sure if I decided to move too soon... but whatever.  If I didn't move when I did (saturday) I would be moving tomorrow... I really don't think it makes much of a difference... I'm just really bored.

I left work last Tuesday, and it sucked.  Everyone was really nice, Autumns mom made me a corsage, and a lot of people came up to me and said bye- people I wouldn't have expected to.  Mike said I am more than welcome to go back and work if I ever get a break which is nice--- I just don't really have breaks.  Second shift got a card, and a bunch of people signed it for me... and they had a little party with pizza and cake, and Terri make me a T-X book of peoples pictures and jokes and stuff. It was really sweet.  I didn't cry as much as I thought I would.  I started crying first when Ray left for the day.  Ray is the crazy 50ish year old guy that works back in QC, the only guy on our shift.  I love Ray... and I guess I just cried because I don't really see myself seeing him again.  I cried when Abby left too, mostly because she made it a real goodbye- like the whole hug, and keep in touch, and if you need me and I will visit you soon etc. But I guess I was okay other than that.  I think that I will see everyone at some point or another... when I do go home for holidays or whatever... It was still sad. (and i really really really miss LARRY!!!!!!!!!!)

Wednesday I packed then went out with Paul for his 21st... yay for being legal, sir! Thursday had lunch with Jennifer from J-Co, which was interesting but not as bad as I expected.  Met up with my Aunt Kim and Erin for lunch, and then went home and packed some more.  Went up to Rock City and met up with Aunt Kim, Erin, Cassie, Rachel B, Michael, Britt, Ang, Josh, Annabanana, and Kevin for my last night out, had a pretty good time and got pretty drunk. Went home and slept, woke up and went to breakfast with Krystle and Crystal, and saw Terri M, Terri T, and Lindsay up there which was fun.  Packed some more, went to the store and lunch with Cassie, packed, and went to Dinner with some of the family.  Had some running around to do and was on the phone with Keith (Justin's roommate) for like 2 hours. Went to bed and woke up at 7 to leave by 8.

We got here by 1130, unloaded the trailor.  Mom went up to the store with me to get some food in the apartment. Not much, but anything helps. Came back from the store and they left like 5 minutes later.  I had an anxiety attack and felt like I couldn't breathe for a half hour and then vomited. So that was fun.  Spent like 3 hours cleaning and unpacking my kitchen shit.  This place was/ still sorta is really dirty. It was horrible.

I wanted to drink so I found a gas station which was a big adventure for me. They don't sell beer there, which I should have remembered from last time, but I got to the beer distributor 2 minutes before they close.  They close at 7pm on Saturdays. Do these people not drink? What if you are having a party and by like 8 you run out of beer... you just stop drinking and go home? Ridiculous.

Sunday Cheryl woke me up and I ventured out and found Wal-Mart.  Same shopping plaza had a Sally's, Lowes, and something else I could use. I think Giant Eagle is pretty close to it too, so yay! Came home and drank some more and unpacked pretty much everything else.

Yesterday I had to wake up early because the gas people said they would be here between 8 and 4.  Wow. Thanks guys, thats a pretty small window there. They didn't end up showing up until 2, just to find out that my stove doesn't work. It's brand new, so awesome to that.  Started to drink, and my landlord- BUZZY- came over to look at the stove and told me that the stove people would be here this morning and he'd call me when they were on their way.

(Please note my landlord goes by: Buzzy and the guy that works for name goes by: Yucka)

Woke up at 10 today to make sure I would be awake if he called. Cableman showed up at 12:30... right when my soap opera was coming on so I couldn't watch that so I was kinda pissed. He was here for 2.5 hours hooking shit up.
He asked me where I was from, and why I was here, and why I was living in this apartment.  He told me that I am in the ghetto, and that he would never let anyone he knows live here. He grew up around here his entire life, and has been held up multiple times.  Said he always carried a gun when he was around here.  I guess the very worst part of the neighborhood is 9th street...gangs, shootings, drugs etc... but I am in a pretty bad part myself.  He told me to either get a lot of mase, or a gun... or move.  I feel really safe. Kinda pissed about that because it ruined my plans of walking to school or the store when it's nice out. I'd rather not die. Well... not yet. Also, cableman told me that there is really nothing to do in this town.  I told him where I've ventured to so far and he told me that I've already experienced all there is to experience in this place. Sweet. 
Stove guy came right after cableman left. Some dumbass made my stove wrong, so there is a giant hole in the gas pipe so I can't use it and they couldn't fix it... sooo yay for microwaved food and setting off the smoke detector making hamburgers!

Another thing thats making me mad is that I keep drinking but am not getting drunk.  Every day so far I've started drinking atleast by 5 and drink past midnight and I'm not even buzzed. That sounds like I have a drinking problem... but I just want to feel SOMETHING.  And the not feeling anything makes it seem like I drink too much and that it would take me more to get drunk, but I haven't drank that often prior to now.  Grr. Maybe I will bust out the rest of my Jameson tomorrow. Nom Nom Nom.

Regardless, I'm bored. And anyone with a bulletproof vest should totally visit me!  I can't wait until next Wednesday when I start school so I can meet some people and not be sitting in my apartment doing jack shit.

I'm wasting my time coloring pictures to send to people, so let me know if you'd like one. I have a My Little Pony, Princess, Dinosaur, Sesame Street, Pirate and Random shit coloring books.

Goooooo.

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so these past few weeks have been completely insane for me.  more so than they usually are- so its been rough.

school has been really busy, with the end of the semester so i had been studying my ass off.

my aunt jan, who i had been really close with a few years ago ( and the one that initally got me obsessed with bunnies )  passed away 2 weeks ago.  it was pretty unexpected.  she was 52 years old, and lived in wooster for the past 14 or so years.  her health had been going downhill for the past few years and was on over 35 different medications.  
regardless, my cousin jason (her son) and his wife jocelyn were having a baby so saturday the 26th, my dad and grandma drove down to wooster to give them a rocking chair.  after visiting with them, they went over to my aunts apartment to drop off a computer they had for her. the tv in her place was blaring however she didnt answer the phone or door. my dad looked into her window and found her dead on her bathroom floor.  they called 911 and everyone came to check out the situation, and only 3 hours later released the body without actually finding out the cause of her death. they just assume that it was a heart attack- which yeah, i mean it most likely was caused from the mass amounts of medications... but i think they should have looked a little more into it.  they decided she had probably been dead since thursday.
i was at my aunt mary and uncle tims house when they got the call from my mom telling the news. then between my mom and uncle tim had to inform the rest of the family. 
once it was announced that the body had been released, my uncle tim and uncle mike hopped into uncle mike's herse, followed by my uncle al, aunt kim and aunt amy behind them and drove down there to get the body. 
my cousin and jocelyn ended up having their baby, nola bean, on sunday.  my aunt was so excited about being a grandma--- and only missed it by a few days. 
the wake and services were pretty tough.  
this whole thing just made me realize more how glad i am to have the family that i do.  so many people made mention that it sucks that these sorts of events have to be the thing to bring a family back together- but that wasnt the case with us.  we see eachother all the time.  i just found it amazing how my family worked together to take care of every little detail.  my aunt had three sons, my cousins jason, jeff and joe ages 30, 26, and 24.  they arent extremely young or anything, but to have to plan and fund their mothers funeral was not possible, especially considering their horrible financial situations, and jason just starting a new family. every member of my family stepped up and contributed in one way or another so in the end, i dont think my cousins had to pay for anything, or really arrange anything. i think it was worse enough losing a parent at that young of an age.
one thing i did find somewhat humerous was how i heard so many comments from different people that either came to the wake or services at the funeral home about how every funeral they have ever been to, people are crying and mourning... but you look at my family- and we laugh. we talk. we make jokes. and some say that that is a way of hiding feelings- but no, we expressed our sorrow, but my family has a good grasp of reality and celebrates the life.

i dont know-just the whole experience really made me realize how amazing the slocum family is. no matter what and of us do, we know we have 33 people supporting us and backing us up. i know if i ever had a problem, i could call anyone in my family for help- and they would jump.  
i dont see other families like mine.  im priveledged to be a part of it.
so that was my main event of last week.

this week was finals week at school.  CRAZY.  i needed to get 1-a  1-c and 2-ds to pass and graduate... I DID IT!!! lol. i was up every night til atleast 4am studying, waking up at 9, going to school, and then going to work til 12.  regardless i am exhausted, but totally worth it. 

I AM DONE WITH LAKELAND COMMUNITY COLLEGE FOREVER!!!!!!!! lol yay for graduating with a pointless associates degree!!!


buuuut... today my parents and i traveled to Monessen in PA, to check out that special effects makeup school.  paul, autumn, sally, seth, and i went to the city a few weeks ago- but this time we actually went to the school.  I LOVE IT!
regardless, i turned in my application, did my entrance exam, and had my interview---

I have been accepted, and am now enrolled in Tom Savini's Makeup program!!!

classes are starting October 1st, so I have some time to get my shit together, and make some money--- but i am moving to pennsylvania. by myself. and im actaully something with my life now.

so guess what everyone that thinks im a failure and not going anywhere--- watch out! im getting my shit together.

that happened really quick, and i dont think it has exactly set in... but i am reallly excited. really really really excited. 

its time for me to get the hell out of here and start over, and start over well... so hooray. that is all. 

so its been awhile since my last post kinda.  
most of the same things are going on...school all the time... followed by work all the time... and drinking on the weekends as usual, something to pass the time.

--random thought... i was actually trying to do something this weekend, like go out with people to some sort of event going on around here.  i searched papers, and online, and there was absolutely nothing to do that would appeal to more than like 2 people maybe.  i hate that.  im kinda getting sick of my normal weekend routine:
fridays get off of work between 11 and 1130, go home and get hammered with people, or by myself... usually am up til 630 or later.  sleep all day saturday until 7 or 8... wake up, eat something, then go back to bed until 1pm sunday (unless that is interrupted by people coming over to drink).  sunday i wake up, sit here and watch scrubs, and then go to my aunt and uncles house.  anyway... there is nothing to do in willoughby, in mentor, in cleveland, in ANYWHERE around here. then they wonder why everyone is a drunk--

but yah back to my life... i think around april every year i get in the same mood sometimes.  it seems to be that that is always when i clear out my life of all the negative shit.  i left kaylas house all the time in aprils when we would get in fights.  this month 2 years ago randi and i stopped talking. this month last year i left behind something that had taken up years of my life- but was just forcing so much negativity my way that i had to leave.  this month last year is when shannon and i have what i think is our final break. and this month this year, i feel like i am about to break away from all my friends but 1. 
i have felt a lot lately that people hang out with me because they feel bad for me. or because they want to see someone that is over here already, so they just keep showing up.  yah, mostly that one.  foster will come over here and do nothing but express the fact that he "fucking hates me"  and most others just come because matt lee is here. none of these people would come if he wasnt.  and then hes talking to me the other day how he doesnt like coming over here because he doesnt want it to become another "kayla's house"... i dont know what that means... " everyone just went over there all the time to drink"   did i say we have to do that?  no.  no one ever invites me to go places, but i want to see people--- so i invite them somewhere. and that happens to be at my place... and people bring beer.
so he doesnt want to be here, doesnt want to invite me with them anywhere (if they go other places besides the bar) and brings all the people who i pass off to be my "friends".  
i dont want a pity party. i think its sick that i just realized that most of my friends are just there as a pity party. that isnt right... and im not going to allow it anymore. they can call me.  we will see what happens.  please note, last time i did this, it took over 1 month for anyone to even contact me. 
hmm.. maybe this is just my way of spring cleaning.


on another note, my dad and i got into quite the argument the other day when i told him i put in my application for graduation for my fucking associates degree.  (haha i know, 4 years out and thats all i got. shut up) but im actually proud of it. i went for 2 years being a complete fuck up and failing every class.  but the past few semesters i have actually been semi caring... and passing! but anyway, i told my dad and he started freaking out instantly about what the hell am i going to do now... where am i going to go to school... what am i going to do? and shit, i dont know. ive been telling him that for tha past 4 years. and anything i want to do he doesnt let me.  dude, im 20.  so in the end of that funness, he pretty much told me that he is disowning me from the family until i figure out my life and stop fucking around.  awesome dad, whens my graduation party?

but, ive asked a few people, friends mostly what they could see me in.  i got social worker, drunk, psychologist, accountant, crack whore/ prostitute/ pimp/ gangsta/ drug dealer all rolled into one (thank you skippy), real-estate, and lawyer. 

meh. i think skippys idea is the best.

--random thought. if there were more than one skippy in a room, would it be "look... theres the skippIES" ?--

but anywho... i was trying to think of what im good at--- nothing--- and then my interest--- nothing---

looked into some programs for social work, because well, all i ever do is help my friends out, and never myself. and i guess CSU has a decent program?  

but then i was looking into something i have been wanting to do forever, which is stage makeup/ special effects makeup... and i have only known of the schools in new york city, and los angeles... but i found one in pennsylvania. it looks really sweet.  it teaches you stage makeup, molding, sculpture, different special effects, and animatronics. from the program you can go work for movies, work in studios, amusement parks, in the dental line making dentures, go in for a company that makes fake limbs/ eyes, the toy industry... anything really. i never looked at all that could come with that.  its a 16 month program, which is longer than any other... and you get an associates degree... and unlimited job placement throughout your life.  its 3 1/2 hours away from here, so it isnt even that bad. 
i have a feeling i am going to chicken out of it...being in a whole new completely unfamiliar place completely by yourself living alone.  i know im going to chicken out because i have mad anxiety, but in my head and my heart i know it would be the best thing for me. to get out of here, into a field i would love, and away from the shitheads that are completely consuming my life. 
this is the site http://www.douglas-school.com/ and if you go to the left hand side go to 'tom savini's special makeup effects' and then click on course info and watch the video.  i think it looks amazing. 

i dont know what im doing.

everything sucks a lot right now

friday night was fun... hung out with matthew, nicholas and angela--- only slept an hour

saturday drove matts ass around getting ready for his party.
got wasted. didnt mean to, really i didnt... i was too tired. but then there were people, and there was liquor and beer and i mean, what else was i supposed to to?
nicholas and i had planned a wrestling match. so we wrestled a lot.  then the last time he was on top of me and thomas felt it necessary to join in and when he went to jump ontop of nicholas, he landed directly on my foot.  so i tore some ligaments and severely sprained my ankle.  
awesome! 

the doctor asked me if i needed anything for the pain (DUH) and i told him how i go up and down stairs all day at school, and work 8 hours on my feet everyday, so he pretty much gave me advil.  except this shit makes your stomach bleed and doesnt help at all. so im pretty excited about that.
i got a few vicodin, but for some reason that shit doesnt effect me at all. not the slightest bit. so yay for pain.

at work we are doing our yearly self evaluations-- i dont even know why im involved in this since i just had my 90 day review... but anyway... some fuckers in the screen room are deciding to be major fucking narks and telling on everyone except the same 5 people.  me, terri, abby, cassie, matt, and justin all got talked to last friday.  then matt got written up today, and dominic said he needs to talk to john tomorrow.  so this shall be interesting.  why did me, terri or abby get yelled at? who the fuck knows. oh, i do.  its this fucking asshole that has no reason to be over in our department, and wanders around with his finger up his ass trying to cause trouble.   i will be over asking terri about an order and he will see us talking and turn it into us doing nothing.  i swear to god if i get written up i am going to flip a shit. all of us will. 

and what the hell is with it still being cold outside!?!?!

this weekend might be good... hopefully.

friday night im hanging out with ashley. saturday brit is helping me with a humanities project, then im hanging out with crystal from jco, and sunday to aunt mary and uncle tims.  i would also like to find some time to go see juno. the soundtrack rocks, so i think i may actually give this movie a try.

the 4th of march will be fun--- thats when dave finds out how long he is going to prison, and when skippy finds out if/how long hes going to jail. lol... go friends!!!

eeeegh im cold.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

yesterday at work proved how childish everyone there is.  so, like i had said- everyone thinks i like justin and thomas...  so i was talking to cassie, and i told her to go tell them that no, i dont like them but i like John (the 40-50 year old we think is gay guy.)  So she goes and tells justin- and he like freaked out and was like "we HAVE to go tell matt" so they told matt, and matt got all excited--- then justin ran over to john and told him.  cassie told john we were fucking with the boys, but for the remainder of the evening justin and matt were going crazy with the news.

also, with all of the freaking out about justins creepyass roommate... he isnt looking for a relationship, or anything... so this entire time while i am getting scared for my life--- justin was just being an ass and making this shit up.  i am atleast extremely happy about that.  i do not have to worry about getting raped or killed... or both. 

i love the people i work with. dearly.